"And every day, the world will drag you by the hand, yelling, “This is important! And this is important! And this is important! You need to worry about this! And this! And this!”

 

And each day, it’s up to you to yank your hand back, put it on your heart and say, “No. This is what’s important.”

- Iain Thomas

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An Act of Defiance

January 20, 2018

 

It's very easy to fall into the pull of the New Year's resolution.  The self-improvement energy of the new year is incredibly enticing with all of the gym membership ads, and the commercials reminding me what I could be doing to “be better.”  My SuperMom tells me, “Oh yes, you should definitely set some new goals for 2018 and make a plan and start working on those.  If you’re not moving forward, what are you doing?”  

 

Well, eff that.  

 

*Note: my only official New Year’s resolution this year......mmm......actually every year, is to swear less.  Let’s see how long this lasts.

 

You know what’s more fun than writing out all of the places where I still feel inadequate and need to improve?  Remembering how far I’ve come.  

 

So at the beginning of this year, in between having the worst flu of my entire life and working at the most incredible/intense job I’ve ever had, I took one quiet evening to write out all the work I’ve done so far and the things I’ve accomplished.  These are some of my favorites:

 

  • When people give me a compliment, I say "thank you" and that’s it.  I used to make a joke or dismiss it or turn the compliment around to them.  I don’t do that anymore.  

  • I say “thank you” or “excuse me” now instead of “sorry.”  If I say “sorry,” it’s because I really fucked up and I want you to know how sorry I am.

  • I have a closet full of clothes that fit me and look great.  I know my style.  I like the color of my hair.  My eyebrows are on point (#microbladingforthewin).

  • I spend 0 hours a day thinking about how many calories/proteins/carbs/fats/sugars are in any of the things I eat.  I haven’t been on a diet, or a cleanse, or a scale in years.  I go to the gym when I want to.  I eat well.  I sleep well.  I drink water.  My body is healthy and I love it.  

  • I have a loving relationship with all of my many character flaws.  Like when I get stressed and just start throwing out stuff without asking anybody.  Or my tendency to blurt whatever’s on my mind, assuming everyone is on the same page as me when they are definitely not.  Or how I get triggered by the kids wearing a shirt only once before I have to wash it.  All that crap - it’s all welcome here.

  • I have a clear connection to my intuition and it's strengthening every day.  I use it for little things (like when the pizza is done or when the meeting is almost over), and for big things (like when something is off and I need to check-in).  

  • I used to have terrible anxiety that kept me awake at night.  Cleaned up.

  • I feel like I’ve finally figured out this mom thing, and I'm a great mom.  I really am.  I blow it all the time, but I always go back after to apologize and re-connect.  I listen to my kids.  I tell them about their Soul and who they are.  I hug them when they don't expect it and whisper dream wishes into their ears before they go to sleep.  

 

As soon as I finished my list I realized what 2018 is calling for isn’t another project plan of goals or tasks or more work to be done on myself.  I’ve done more than enough work and I’m ready now to put all of it into action.  This year will be about leadership.  This year will be about taking a stand for what’s right.  This year will be about speaking my mind, and saying “no” when something isn’t okay.

 

My theme for this year is “Defiance.”  

 

Throwing out all of the rules and challenging consensus reality is an act of defiance.

 

Bringing love, kindness, and consciousness into a world that will continually challenge or diminish the effort is an act of defiance.  

 

Knowing all of the “right” parenting tools, and then deciding not to do them because I just don’t want to is an act of defiance.

 

Inconveniencing others for my own well-being, letting people down, saying what I’m thinking - all beautiful acts of defiance.

 

Not laughing at the shitty mommy juice/wine jokes because I love you so much my heart hurts to see you anesthetizing a single part of your human experience, now that’s an act of defiance.

 

Being a sexy, fat, powerful, intelligent woman with an opinion is an act of defiance.

 

Creating something just because it’s fun is an act of defiance.

 

Happy New Year everyone.  I get this is late;  I’d apologize unnecessarily but I don’t do that anymore.  Instead I’ll say, “Thank you for being here, thank you for reading, and may your list of accomplishments be long and ever evolving”.  

 

 

 

 

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