Well darn it, I fell in the hole again. I didn't even see it as I was walking along.
I got myself stuck in the tired, overworked, martyr'd mom story.
It's so easy to get here. So seductive to buy the ticket and land. On arrival a chorus of moms hand me a drink, wrap a lei around my shoulders and say, "Welcome! Wow, we get it. You're tired, you're doing everything, no one appreciates you, you don't have time for yourself. Come in, commiserate, make yourself comfortable. The buffet is set up; your room is ready. You can stay as long as you like."
The hot, dull, fogginess of a summertime resort. I've been here before. I know how I show up here. Boring. Dissonant. A sad song on repeat. I got wrapped up in all of it - the community, the camaraderie, the consensus.
But, this isn't for me. As easy as it would be to stay, I'm buying my ticket out and leaving to a new place.
This place is crisp, fresh. Like the renewal of fall when the air changes and you can breathe deeply again. There's a village here, albeit smaller. The food isn't prepared for us, but it tastes better because we know what's in it. Not as many women, but the few are fierce, conscious, loving souls who know better. Who can see the struggle but wear it like a scarf they can slip off when the sun comes out. And the sun is out a lot here.
This is where I belong. Where I am meant to be.
When I arrive, I'm greeted with their wisdom. They say things like,
"Resentment and complaining are your cues. It's time to put down the endless multi-tasking, the constant motion, and re-frame "first things first".
Time to ask for what you need, and if you can't get it Send Love and ask someone else. You have mountains of support if you just open your eyes heart.
Keep doing the things that feel good. A clean house feels good. Healthy meals feel good. Organization feels good. Until it doesn't......then it's time to stop.
Make resonant choices with your time. More writing, more naps, more fun, more laughter.
Soften. Lighten. Smile."
So I do.
I fell in the hole. I sank into the story, and now I'm getting myself out.
This will keep happening and it's okay, because I can buy a new ticket any time.