"And every day, the world will drag you by the hand, yelling, “This is important! And this is important! And this is important! You need to worry about this! And this! And this!”

 

And each day, it’s up to you to yank your hand back, put it on your heart and say, “No. This is what’s important.”

- Iain Thomas

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29 Things I Know For Sure

January 7, 2016

 

 

1. I’m a much better human when I take care of myself.

 

 

2. Anytime I find myself in a paradox I know I’m on the right track (e.g., being a mom is the most incredible gift, and also the hardest thing I’ve ever done).

 

 

3. That night in Thailand and the following three years of PTSD-induced anxiety was one of the best things that ever happened to me. That was my alarm clock. Everyone gets one - most people just choose to hit snooze.

 

 

4. At some point you may decide to pour your heart and soul into making something very important, only to have it almost completely ignored. Make it anyway.

 

 

5. “Good for her, not for me.” - Amy Poehler

 

 

6. Every body is different - what health looks like for mine may not be what health looks like for yours. Instead of following a prescribed diet or plan, learn how to listen to your body and do what’s best for it.

 

 

7. Also, you can’t hate or scare yourself into lasting health. Only love can do that.

 

 

8. Find a mentor, or a coach, or a soul dude, or a spiritual advisor, or whatever calls you. Just spend time with someone who knows stuff and is willing to walk with you. It works really well if this person thinks you’re wonderful.

 

 

9. The laundry and the website will never be done.

 

 

10. The phrase “yes, and” saved my marriage. Well…. that, and finding an indulgence we could enjoy together (you have to buy me a glass of wine to hear about that ….).

 

 

11. Stress and guilt aren’t emotions. When you say you feel “guilty” or “stressed,” you actually feel something else (usually shame, fear, anger, or sadness). Love isn’t an emotion either. It’s our resting place.

 

 

12. Taking the time to learn about how my brain works, what my emotions are telling me, my values, where I get triggered…..all of this has made me excellent at navigating being a human. And when I’m not caught up in my humanness, I get to live closer to my Soul.

 

 

13. Knowing and unravelling all of your own shit is the most valuable use of your time.

 

 

14. Because survival is insufficient.

 

 

15. You are responsible for your thoughts, feelings, and behavior. Sure, people may do shitty things, but how you respond is entirely your responsibility. This especially goes for parenting - your kids can’t “make you mad,” it’s your choice if you get mad and flip your lid. You’re the adult.

 

 

16. And…..we are all connected. Feelings are contagious. Watch out for ones that don’t belong to you. If you suddenly feel angry and don’t know why, it might not be your anger. (Paradox!)

 

 

17. Gratitude is great…..and it doesn’t solve everything.

 

 

18. Every tool or technique I’ve learned to help me parent my kids works on adults. Very few people ever matured past the 5th grade - just a bunch of big kids with more responsibilities. Seriously, I’ve seen more CEO’s throw tantrums than I can count. Knowing this, it feels kind of absurd to expect mature behavior from all adults. Some of them just aren’t capable of it because they never learned. This insight helps me to be incredibly understanding and compassionate with shitty behavior (which, for the record, is not the same as tolerating it).

 

 

19. Do all the assessments. Finding out I am an introvert changed my life. Now I know why I get so tired at parties, and why I NEED to take quiet breaks when I’m spending time with my kids.

 

 

20. Don’t take the assessments too seriously. Take what you need; leave the rest behind.

 

 

21. Parenting works really well when I worry less about fixing behaviors and focus entirely on the relationship I have with my kids. Treating my kids like we’re in a two-way relationship, full of respect, love, and kindness, has solved every parenting challenge I’ve ever had. Ever.

 

 

22. And…….it’s nearly impossible to do this when I’m depleted, tired, or hungry. (see #1)

 

 

23. My intuition is WAY better at helping me make decisions than my brain. The moments where I got really quiet and listened to my intuition resulted in all of the best decisions of my life.

 

 

24. It’s really difficult to spend time in the corporate 9-5 world without getting totally caught up in consensus reality. It takes a lot of energy to continually remember that “busy” is a choice when you’re immersed in that world.

 

 

25. Disappointing people is a skill every woman needs to learn.  I'm still learning it.

 

 

26. Jealousy is great for pointing out what’s important to you, and it’s not useful to live there. You get to choose which part of you drives the bus.

 

 

27. There is no “quick fix” for anything. Sorry. Also, the path and process that worked for her probably won’t work the same for you. Even when you look back after a huge change and think to yourself, “Oh, of course! I can see now what I was doing. The answer is so simple!” you couldn’t have gotten here any quicker or any easier. Trust me on this one.

 

 

28. I like the kind of human I am. And, I still have so much work to do. (Paradox!)

 

 

29. The real title of this post is “Things I Know For Sure…...For Now.” I have full permission to edit, craft, delete, and modify any item on this list at any point in time. That doesn’t mean I’m wrong; this is just what I know now, and at some point I’ll know something different. If I’m not learning and growing, then I’m not doing my job.

 

 

 

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